If the children don't grow up/Our bodies get bigger, but our hearts get torn up.

Back in Texas.

One of the first things I noticed on the plane from Charlotte was the accents. It seems to me that, in many cases, you either completely love the accents of the people who live where you are from, or else you are attracted to any accent that DOESN'T resemble the accents formerly described. I fall into this latter category. I loved the "Joisey" accents, the Long Island accents, the random international accents I would run into in and around New York City. There was something a little dirty about being around the people with southern accents again. I think, more than anything, it was just this instant reminder that I was back.

I'm grappling with the notion right now that I am still, indeed, the girl who lived in New York this summer, who interned at Rolling Stone. I'm having to really remind myself that these experiences are still with me, that they haven't disappeared just because I've changed locations. There is a great sense of loss, a sense of being at a place and time where I'm treading water. So I'm just going to have to come into these last few months at the University of Texas with the same eagerness I approached NYC with. Realistically, it won't be the same, but I will still strive to find the same exciting experiences I found in New York. I'm in a bit of a rut right now, kind of loping around every day, seeing San Antonio buddies here and there, spending time with my dad and our dogs, but mostly just exercising and doing not much else. Talking to my mom today, I realized that this is a natural reaction after so much activity - I need to be lazy and recharge my batteries. The problem is, I'm not enjoying it, because I know there's such a short time limit on this free time. I start school a week from tomorrow, and I want to fit in so many books, so much guitar practicing, so many other activities before then. I just have to work on the balance of everything. Balancing life - it's a tricky thing, and seems to take a lifetime to figure out how to do it.

My last day in New York was a good one. I got up semi-early, and exercised to wake myself up. I did some laundry and started to pack. Then it was off to the movies. I caught "It Might Get Loud," the documentary with Jack White, the Edge and Jimmy Page, and it was stupendous. Plus, during the previews, the trailer for "Where The Wild Things Are" came on (an extended one I had never seen before that doesn't seem to be posted online), and I wept. Openly and in a big way. It felt amazing, especially since I was attending the movie alone. It felt free and rejuvenating, just a really nice moment. After the documentary, I rushed home, had dinner, did some more packing and cleaning, and walked briskly the twenty-five miles and 4ish avenues to the entrance of Central Park where Summerstage was. Unfortunately, the venue was already full, but I could hear a song I recognized playing. I walked around to the back of the venue, and stood by the gate and just listened to Ms. Martha Wainwright sing her beautiful tunes, and I could just see the ballet dancers' hands waving in the air as they accompanied her music. There was an intermission, during which they let some more people inside, so I rushed in hoping to just catch a glimpse of that lovely fresh Wainwright visage. No dice - when the dancers came back on, they were being accompanied by a CD track, and I couldn't wait any longer - had to run to the dorm to check out. I did that, bought some water, and tried to get a little sleep. After about an hour of the stuff, I woke up, showered and dressed, grabbed my things, and headed for the shuttle.

The shuttle to Newark was crazy, but it got me there bright and early at 4am and I was grateful. I leisurely checked myself in, settled into a seat, and read a little, trying to stay awake. The trip back was uneventful, which I completely appreciated. And here I am.

I move to Austin on Thursday. Initially, it looked like I was going to have to make 2 trips, so I wouldn't be moving back for good until Saturday. Those plans have changed, so I'll be back on Thursday. I won't lie, I'm not really excited. My heart still aches for New York. However, it's good to see family again (wish I could see my mom before Labor Day weekend!) and there are friends I'm dying to see, too. Also, it'll be good to get a feel for my neighborhood, and hopefully carve out a safe bike route to campus. I'll get to use Gregory gym, meaning I'll get to run (it's too damn hot to run outside right now, so I've been restricted to my elliptical), and I'll just generally be able to gear up to get back into the swing of things. One more semester - it's kind of crazy, really.

I miss my friends from New York. I especially miss Caroline and Chris, because they were such good pals to me. I miss work and the rest of the people there. I miss the city itself. I miss the double anonymity and attention of it all - I rarely feared walking out my front doors, because I could shove my iPod earbuds in and be immersed in my own world, while turning heads all at the same time. I hope to recapture that confidence in the next two days, because I want to bring the healthy and amazing changes I've made in myself back to Austin. For now, it's time for sleep!