I'm so busy here, all of the time. It's worrisome, because I don't want to be this way for the rest of my life. But when I stop to think about it, I have nothing to worry about - I'll graduate from school soon, and then not have classes to worry about until I go to grad school in the far distant future. My online history classes hang over my head constantly, with this sense of - should be doing, should be doing, should be doing. I'm trying to come at it instead from a *could* be doing perspective so that I'm not constantly berating myself. Besides, I'm making all A's thus far in each class, and I'm on top of it. But I've also got my internship "class" (aka writeups of my weeks) to take care of, as well as a midterm assessment for the Wofford Denius Music Industry Scholarship portion of all of this. Phew. Happily, I have been pretty productive today, and it's only 8pm, meaning I've got the rest of the evening to do a little history homework, catch up on my writeups for the internship class, and maybe even have time to watch a movie or read or something. Finding "me" time with two other people living in my room is difficult, and I think I feel so relieved when it happens that I tend to just sit and eat and do not much else, because I am just so overwhelmed with a sense of, "aaaaah-lone." And it's nice.
My thoughts are all kinds of muddled today; it's been a rough one. The subway was CRAMMED with people, and I got pushed all around holding my giant bag from Bed, Bath & Beyond with an egg crate in there so that I might actually get a decent night's sleep this last month and a half I have in New York. My good friend (and possible future roommate!) Kristin is leaving tomorrow, and seeing in here eyes all the different, overwhelming feelings she's feeling is just my first taste of what I'll feel come August 15th. I'm hoping to see her this evening, but I haven't heard from her yet, so we'll see. I know she has a LOT of people she will want to see, and I got her for 7 hours yesterday, so I will definitely NOT be offended if we can't see each other one more time. We went apartment hunting together yesterday to find a place we'd want to move into, and after getting lost in an extremely Orthodox Jewish part of Williamsburgh, we finally wandered into the slightly more hipsterish and comfortable area. I'm afraid about prices, because the part we liked was pretty close(ish) to the waterfront, which I'm guessing makes it more expensive. But the neighborhood was great, and we had dinner at a Mexican restaurant, which made me feel even more at home. Then, we went to Union Square because we heard there was a Michael Jackson dance party happening, but alas, it had broken up by the time we got there (there was no trace of it at all - in fact, I keep trying to find the MJ dance parties that I know have been happening around the city, and so far haven't found one. It's a conspiracy!!!) We then decided it was movie time. Unfortunately, we wasted $12 and close to 2 hours on "Year One." Don't bother, people. Seriously. It's terrible. "The Hangover" was better, and I didn't even like THAT one that much. "Away We Go" is the best film I've seen in a long time. Actually, I'm currently listening to the soundtrack - particularly, the George Harrison song they included in it (I rest my case.) Anyway, it was still fun to hang with Kristin, and then I came back and CRASHED. Today, I worked out, ran a bunch of errands, and am now doing laundry. Wheee.
Thursday was the craziest day of work I've had yet. Multiple celebs walked by my desk (you'll have to ask me for specifics, I'm not going to post because I don't want to give out that kinda info on the interwebs, just in case!) and I got to transcribe my first interview, which was intense, but fun. We were let go early, at around 5:40pm or something, and Caroline and I were waiting for another co-intern, Sara, to get out of her other job and join us for dinner and drinks. We went to the H&M nearby, looked around, and then headed back towards our work building, where we were supposed to meet her. As we walked out of the store, I heard a man say, "He's left his 3 kids...breaking, Michael Jackson is dead," into his cell phone. When we left the office, we'd heard he had been rushed to the hospital, having suffered cardiac arrest or something like that. I flipped my head towards the man, my mouth agape and eyes wide. He looked at me, smiled faintly, and kind of shrugged, as if to say - "What can you do?" I flipped back to Caroline and told her what I'd heard, and we rushed back to the office to jump on the computers and see if it was true. TMZ was reporting he was dead, and I didn't even know what to do. It didn't seem official enough, or something. It was just too sudden. I suggested that we run over to see if our boss, Erica, was still there, and it was a really good thing we did, because she was and needed our help badly. I worked that day until a little after 11pm, taking a break for our collective free pizza dinner. It was unreal, it was crazy, I'm still coping. It's making me face my past in some ways, because Jackson's music is so evocative of my very young childhood. I remember dancing around to "Thriller" with my brother. I remember inviting MJ to my 3rd birthday party, and his "people" sending me a cassette tape with "Black or White" and "Remember the Time" on it. That was when we were living in Austin, after Edward had just been born, really. Anyway, of all the places I could have been, I'm so glad I was in the offices of Rolling Stone. The only better place would have been with my brother and mom, and we could have played his vinyls and danced around like we did when I was a toddler.
The city has been beautiful; it's been sunny sometimes, rainy sometimes, but always beautiful. Taking the brown line to Williamsburgh was my first New York experience on a subway train that goes above ground, and it reminded me vividly of my London adventure, and of Berlin. It was beautiful, and felt so much like a place I could call home for a few years. I feel that there is so much more to report, like Will Dana's (managing editor of RS) luncheon with the interns and the incredible things he said, like the movie "Away We Go" itself, with its hopeful and adventurous messages imbedded within, like somedays feeling completely fabulous and confident and other days feeling like I want to disappear. Finding myself is all a part of the game right now, just as it has been for the past four years. Rocks are overturned all of the time, and other times it is just hit home to me how much I am a thing I knew I was all along.
Sorry to be so sporadic and cryptic, loves. I have to go get my laundry.
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